I was angry with someone recently, not annoyed, but angry at the way they have behaved. This isn’t a person I have ever particularly liked, but I didn’t dislike them either. But now they have capped off already questionable behaviour with some low level hostility that has stuck in my craw and I had been internalising all of this into a stupid bat of paranoia paranoid with which I had been beating myself up and as a result, work came to a bit of a halt.
Well not entirely as I started mulling over a project and slowly working on the constituent parts, kind of like taking up a run before I launch myself at the pieces but I have been looking for a suitable subject to start with and the only human that I really want to use it the person who has pissed me off. The work i am thinking about includes some text, references to biblical thieves and the hard word that describes a section of female genitalia. The question is should I do it?
This work is complicated and intricate, the final pieces will be intended to be perceived as beautiful, but it is made from anger and added spite. I wonder if it will work. I wonder why I can’t put the idea down, maybe it’s a cure. I have certainly felt a lot better about making work since I started to make my personal ideas explicit, even if only to me.